Fortress Landscaping aka You Can't See Me

Ah, a charming cottage in an upscale suburb of Chicago peeps shyly at passersby! One of the last great American elms towers overhead, gracefully casting shade from its boughs. How picturesque!

Um, no. This is what I call fortress landscaping. I stumble upon it with older homes in older suburbs or on busy streets. Those yew bushes are a barricade and I'm sure the mailman curses them out every day. Go ahead and click on the photo to enlarge. Why is that SUV in the drive? Because there's no way to get down the driveway.

Yes, they are perfectly healthy shrubs and quite substantial for their type. However, they are concealing the attractive architecture, but more so, they are a security liability. There's enough room between the yews and the structure for a person to slip in, pop open a window, and rob this person blind.

Why do we do this? I've encountered clients who feel reluctant to rip out perfectly healthy overgrown shrubs who agree, as an ex-cop, that they are a huge security liability. They were living things, so he couldn't bring himself to do it. Hey, I get it. I don't like to kill things either, but I'm still gunning for the weedy mulberries in my neighbors yard that are blocking sun from my apple trees. Sometimes, we have to say goodbye to a plant. If it's out of control and eating your house, time to find a chainsaw.

I wish I could wonder what will happen to this house if it ever goes up for sale, but I already know. In this suburb, it's prime tear down material. It could be a great starter house, but is a family with little kids going to want to deal with these haunting yews? You can't see the kids playing from the windows or see that Amazon package arrive. Time to storm the fortress!